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Put Another Log on the Fire of My Understanding.

Updated: Jan 12, 2023

I was recently invited to take part of an on-line book club. I wasn't familiar with the book but was familiar with the spirit of the group; we are onto something new and we want you to join us! Being the "yellow" personality that I am - my initial response to most everything (unless it involves numbers, heavy metal or motor oil) is a hearty and excited "oh boy, yes!". But years have taught me, and it does take years for me, to pause. Just pause. Step back. Think.

Sometimes when we come into new-to-us truths, new understandings, we want to blaze the world! Tell! Share! Invite! Open everyone's eyes to our perspectives! But what we really need to do is sit with it all. Let it blaze our own world. Let it become who we are by letting it change us.

The book was about rethinking our mis-use of the Bible on homosexuality. I balk at books that are focused on refuting one thing. It takes a bit of singling out certain scriptures and often requires verse manipulation in order to get it to say what we want it to, rather than what it's saying. And it usually isn't even saying what we were told it was saying. We have to be careful with context and times for when particular scriptures were written. And this goes for everything. I never want to twist, manipulate or adjust the truth of God to fit me but I am so vulnerable to this temptation. I desire to hear and learn the words He inspired in their setting and time and not be so concerned with making them comfortable to me. I need to just let them be His truth and find myself in His words, His stories, His truths.

Nothing is really about the choices we make that everyone sees - it's about the epicenter of that visible choice. The hidden, susceptible-to-disturbance pain, the difficult part. Which is exactly where grace and mercy, the heart of God, dwells. Gay or straight, we all want to be loved where we are, just as we are. Gay or straight we are all susceptible to being judged for our choices, and it hurts. We want to either hide or rage. But somewhere in between we just want to be loved and accepted and that is exactly what we are by faith in Christ; loved and accepted exactly where we are. Living in the land of Loved and Accepted while also living in the world of judgment, fear, hate, condemnation and rejection is not only difficult, it's sometimes crazy making. Because Loved and Accepted is by faith and the other is in our face and it sucks.

Maybe I was invited to this group because I have a gay daughter who I never see as anyone other than my daughter, a precious soul I adore. I love who she loves because I love her. I tend to feel more protective of her because her choice may bring more judgment from others. People think it's their right to speak out against her choice. I struggle with the twisted, judgmental, condemning religion I was raised under. And I struggle with the many "christians" around me who continue to live this way. I admit, there are times when I think it's up to me to enlighten them and show them the error of their archaic thinking, But then I remember- if someone came at me with their ideas and I wasn't in a place to hear them, I couldn't. If I'm not careful, I'll be just as judgmental against them as I accuse them of being. But there is a time to speak up. And if it challenges a core belief, or my child, I will speak.

So I'm not interested in joining an agenda and I don't want to be the token member because I have a gay daughter. But I am interested in letting my world as I know it, burn. Blaze away! Burn the warehouse! But consider the souls. Know that the One who sees every sparrow and flower, sees and remembers us. And if we're willing, He will transform the way we think, the way we love, who we love and our perspective of what we think we know and see.

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